I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
