Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
