you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
