I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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