He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
