I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
