woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
