he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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