im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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