im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
