it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
