so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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