Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When are your genitals available?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
