I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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