Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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