I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
