would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i dont even know how to be here
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
