it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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