you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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