Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
