shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
