Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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