Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
