That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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