mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I need a burrito and a hug.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
