My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
