just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I didn't notice because vodka
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
