how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
