Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
