I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
