laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
