Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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