You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
