Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
