So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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