we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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