my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
