Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
