I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
