I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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