im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
