I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Randomize
