2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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