What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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