I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
