clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
