Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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