I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
