I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
