as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
