just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
