Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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