My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
